Do you have time for a bite of breakfast?

Posted by TheYank at 9/12/2009 8:12 AM EDT

{Warning: reading this may cause heart disease.}

Have you ever wanted to break a world record in the Guinness Book of Records? Well, an eatery in Cavan has set the challenge for you: the fullest full Irish breakfast ever. In fact, it's the fullest breakfast ever offered, topping the old six pounds-six ounce record held by a restaurant in Bristol. The breakfast at Cavan's Hard Boiled Egg weighs in at more than seven pounds.

Seven pounds of breakfast. Just let that sink in (or better yet, maybe not). I've held seven pound babies in my hands, but I've never thought about eating one.

Seven pounds. McDonald's is under fire for coming out with their third-pounder burger, which tops the old quarter pounder by a fraction, but imagine the uproar (and the upchuck) if they changed their quarter pounder for a four pounder and threw in 3 pounds of fries with that!

I know, I know. Too horrible to contemplate. But what of the offer from the Hard Boiled Egg?

The breakfast consists of the following: ten rashers (thick bacon slices), ten sausages, ten eggs, five pieces of pudding, five hash browns, French fries (presumably the thick, greasy Irish kind, not thin salty McDonald's fries), tomatoes, mushrooms, baked beans and ten slices of toast. I don't know if the pudding is black pudding or white pudding. If you don't know what either of those delicacies consists of you may be just as well off. Offal and awful might just cover it (although I've been known to eat both).

Have a look at this picture from Irish radio station Newstalk. This looks bad enough, but the beans and toast aren't even here.


When I first heard about this my first reaction was something along the lines, “If only I were 25 years younger ...” as if the breakfast were an attractive young woman or an invitation to play baseball again. But the truth is, even when I was 20 I wouldn't have been able for ten sausages, ten bacon slices and ten eggs.

When I was 20 I wimped out on a challenge to a chicken-nugget eating contest, one that was won after a mere 34 chicken nuggets. I knew I'd have trouble past number 9 or so, a child's portion.

Then there are the baked beans. I don't know why baked beans are even part of anybody's breakfast, but Mike McLellan writing in the Tracy Press (Tracy, CA) says that beans should be as closely associated with Ireland as potatoes are. He says that Boston's reputation as the baked bean capital of America is thanks to the influx of Irish immigrants in the 19th century. Okay, I suppose, beans in the breakfast.

We can't see the beans in this picture, but if they're going to be in proportion to the rest of the breakfast there would have to be a vat-sized bowl of them. Oh boy. What if someone actually ate that amount of baked beans? How many days would it be before they would be fit for human interaction? (Or even non-human. Why should a dog or a cat have to suffer?)

No, this breakfast is not for me and never was. It needs a John Candy. {Remember how he polished off the 48oz steak in The Great Outdoors? That's the spirit required here.} This is a challenge for a man with a serious appetite, an iron gut, a cavalier attitude to his own personal health, and, let's face it, no qualms about producing antisocial smells for a few days. {I'm not sure if this is sexist or not, but I cannot picture any woman having so little self-esteem - and intelligence - that she'd even attempt to eat such a breakfast.}

This is a great “I dare ya” to all the men of Ireland and any passing tourists who happen to be feeling a bit peckish during a visit to Cavan Town. The challenge is yours. Your name in the Guinness Book of Records and immortality - well, until someone eats an 8lb breakfast - await.

The breakfast costs €19.95 (about $30), but is free if you finish it in half an hour. Bon appétit.

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Comments:

jacersisityourself wrote:

This had me in big guffaws... but I'd never try a whopper of a full Irish. No, nay never! I'd say the seven-pound breakfast is for a few lads on a Saturday morning after the Friday night pints before they go play their football and hurling matches in the afternoon.

But I do enjoy the full Irish brekkie - I love cooking a good oul' full Irish, with all the foods mentioned except the french fries - who'd want more potato when you've got your fill of delicious Hash Browns? French fries are for wimps' lunches and supper's fish 'n chips, preferably the thick greasy ones, not your wimpish MacD's type. When I was a kid I couldn't eat pudding after I found out it was made from pig's offal, with pig's blood added to make black pudding (they're both now often served as a pre-meal delicacy in some of Dublin's finest eateries).

But I've grown to love both black & white pudding, deliciously seasoned tasty stuff. Then there's the fried eggs.. oh what a treat! - especially if cooked half-soft and served topped with a splash of good oul' Chef brown sauce. Fry or grill the rashers to near burnt, add pan-heated tomatoes and mushrooms with a sprinkle of onions, the ever delightful sausages. As I cook all these, I get that whiff of their appetite-whetting odour. Aaargh! Now I can't wait for breakfast in the morning!

9/12/2009 4:18 PM EDT

TheYank wrote: jacersisityourself, I'm sure you're right that this breakfast is for "a few lads on a Saturday morning after the Friday night pints before they go play their football and hurling matches in the afternoon." Uggh. I feel unwell just thinking of running after eating all that. I have to admit I like black & white pudding myself, particularly the like the black. Actually, I like all the breakfast foods, but in manageable portions. I don't require 7lbs. 9/14/2009 7:54 AM EDT

Padraig wrote: black pudding. no one can do it better than Ireland. Living in germany, they call "brutwurst" translation blood sausage. Same thing but they can't prepare the good way after those pint filled nights of good craic. 9/15/2009 12:53 AM EDT