Ireland in the hot sun - melting roads, water shortages, but no better place on Earth

Children playing in the Irish Sea. Don't be fooled -
that water is freezing cold.

And the Lord said, "Let there be light," and there was light and quite a bit of heat too. I'm sure God saw that it was good, although he doesn't like to do it too often. 'What's seldom is wonderful' seems to be God's motto when it comes to Ireland and warm summer weather.

We are in the middle of one of infrequent heat waves. Temperatures have been as high as the mid 80s and we have about 15 hours of sunshine a day. Who could complain?

No one Irish anyway. We may have water shortages and melting roads, but nobody much minds. That's the real beauty of it - this fine weather really lifts the mood. It's such a rarity that the good weather just seems to cheer everyone. In weather like this Ireland can rival the Magic Kingdom for the "happiest place on Earth."

The only people I can imagine who might be slightly disgruntled are American tourists because away from the coasts it is actually pretty warm through the nights and there is no air conditioning anywhere here. Even fans are fairly rare. Hotels and restaurants can actually be uncomfortably warm. When darkness doesn't totally set in until well after 11pm and light starts breaking through around 4:30 sleeplessness can come into play. Whereas Irish people shrug that off at times like this, I would understand if a few tourists are a little grumpy and bleary-eyed with it all.

As for me, well I may be American, but I'm as sun-starved as any of the locals. I'm thrilled to see the sun for such long stretches. My family has been doing as all Irish families have: enjoying the sunshine immensely. We've gone swimming in the frigid Irish Sea, dined in the back yard, gone on excursions without even considering bringing umbrellas or rain jackets. That last one is a rare treat indeed.

On Sunday we went back to County Meath, which is, as advertised, Ireland's "heritage capital." This time we visited the site of the Battle of the Boyne, the Hill of Slane and the birthplace of Irish patriot John Boyle O'Reilly.

The Battle of the Boyne Visitor Centre is in a lovely location. A big old house, pretty green fields with some period cannon scattered around, but ultimately the center is disappointing. Maybe there isn't much that can be done when you have no artifacts - a few replicas is about it - and the battle was 323 years ago. Still I left there feeling no wiser just poorer for having gone there.

Churchyard at Slane, Co Meath

If you're in Meath and have to choose between the Battle of the Boyne Visitor Centre and the Hill of Slane go to the Hill of Slane. The good weather helped, of course, but the Hill of Slane has great views, history and it's free. You have to do your own research to learn of Slane's importance, but just walking in the ancient friary and churchyard can be rewarding enough. I hadn't been there in years and was really glad to visit again on Sunday.

The last stop on our brief tour of the area was one my specialties. I caught a glimpse of a sign advertising a memorial to John Boyle O'Reilly and ignoring the wails from the back of the car I headed off in pursuit. One lucky guess at an unsigned crossroad (follow signs for Dowth) and I was there. The old school his father ran and the tower house he was born in are still there, although they've recently been refurbished.

John Boyle O'Reilly memorial
Dowth, Co Meath
O'Reilly - Irish patriot and
advocate for Catholics
in 19th Century Boston.

O'Reilly is another example of the links between Ireland and America. He was a determined Irish patriot, a Fenian. He was transported to Australia in 1868 after the failed Fenian uprising. From there he escaped to America. He settled in Boston where he argued for Home Rule, helped organize a rescue of his fellow Fenians in an Australian prison and became an advocate for Catholics in his adopted homeland. Oh yeah, and he edited a newspaper and wrote poetry too.

All in all, O'Reilly packed a lot of living into his 46 years. He is remembered with a memorial near Fenway Park in Boston, which I've never seen but I assume is much easier to find then the one at his birthplace. Finding that was the perfect end to a perfect day in sun-drenched Ireland. Hurry over before it goes, unless you prefer it damp and cool. If you do, just wait a week and I'm sure you'll be satisfied.

"50 Shades of Grey" helping Irish mommies escape our long, grey summer

All the 'Shades of Grey' you could want this summer in Ireland

Two weeks ago, thanks to a flurry of Irish twitter activity built around a hash-tag topic of 'Irish 50 Shades of Grey,' I became aware of the book 50 Shades of Grey. At first I couldn't understand the tweets but assumed it was a play on the Johnny Cash song 40 Shades of Green and Ireland's weather this summer. Didn't take me long to realize that Johnny Cash and his song were not the source for the jokey tweets, but it was in fact a new book making headlines thanks to both its content and the speed at which it's selling.

50 Shades of Grey has been called "mommy porn" which is all I need to know. I'll be giving it a miss. I'll never know why it was called 50 Shades of Grey, although the title kind of surprises me because it sounds anything but sultry or steamy. In fact, it sounds cold and dull, just like our summer, which is why I was sure those tweets were about our weather.
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Give me Irish weather any time over heatwave America - Cool and wet beats hot and humid anytime in my books

"50 Shades of Grey" becomes fastest-selling paperback in Ireland and UK in just two months

Sunburn warnings in Ireland - more amusing than useful
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I suspect the dreariness of the weather here may well explain why 50 Shades is selling like hotcakes. Mommies the length and breadth of Ireland are probably only maintaining a tenuous grip on sanity given that the children have been cooped up indoors for the past few months. A bit of escapism in a fantasy novel might well be medicinal.

All of which brings me around to Mr Niall O'Dowd of this parish, who spent a few days in Ireland at the end of June, early July. After his few days he returned to New York, where the weather was sweltering in the mid 90s and he longed to be back in cool, damp Ireland. 

Don't get me wrong, I can relate to that feeling. I remember how uncomfortable New York can be in a heatwave. However, that's just it. It's a heatwave. It lasts a week, maybe two then it breaks then you have temperatures in the low to mid 80s with lower humidity and it feels pleasant. Maybe the serious heat returns, maybe it doesn't. 

Here in Ireland, however, this summer we have had week after week of dull, damp, depressing weather. We had one very good week of weather in late March and a half-way decent week in late May. That's it. 

Over dinner two weeks ago I casually mentioned O'Dowd's column. My wife's look said it all. She didn't want to say anything as our son was sitting at the same table, but the look in her eyes was murderous. This morning my wife, fighting a cold, looked at me, looked out the window at the rain pouring down and as she wrapped her hands around a hot cup of tea said to me, "If I ever meet that O'Dowd ... And we only have the one. Imagine what it's like if you have two, three or more young children?"

Yesterday was St. Swithin's Day and tradition has it that if it rains on St. Swithin's Day it will rain for the next 40 days. That basically means the rest of this summer is a write-off.

So stir crazy Irish mothers of stir crazy Irish children will have to find another book to see them through the second half of summer 2012. 

I have no idea what that book might be, but if my wife was ever to write a fantasy novel it would be less "mommy porn" than "mommy horror." I already know the plot: a middle-aged Irishman who has lived in America for decades returns to Ireland for a short break and waxes lyrical to Irish mothers about the benefits of Ireland's cool, damp summers.  The mothers, incensed, take revenge. They lock him in a small house with their children and plan to leave him there until he's driven insane and has to be led away by the men in white coats.

And the title? Well, for the moment it has a working title of "50 Ways to Slay."